Literature is a remarkable creation. It taps into human instincts and biology—our innate need for stories—and, using only words, makes us imagine, learn and feel.

For millennia, humans have done this. Now, the internet takes all these learnings, adds visuals and sounds, and uses them to talk about every topic imaginable.

That's not necessarily a bad thing.

On the contrary, you could argue it makes teaching more effective.

I agree. To a certain extent.

See, books like The Count of Monte Cristo tell an extremely compelling story: revenge through success. Countless other books and movies follow the same premise—a protagonist who disappears, grinds in silence, and shocks the world by coming back as a completely different person.

Rich. Powerful. Improved.
Unrecognizable.

The problem?

This same narrative is now being used to sell you an idea about your own life. A story that might make you feel things, but won't make you change things.

Today I want to talk about the epidemic of “disappear and return unrecognizable” content in the self-help industry, why it’s harmful, and most importantly—what you should do instead.

Let's dive in.

Summary

• Understanding the Problem

  • The Protagonist Syndrome

  • The Fear of Judgment

  • The Validation Trap

• Why It's Harmful

• What You Should Do Instead

Understanding the Problem

Here’s the biggest conflict in self-help content. It needs to:

1. Grab your attention so you open it.

2. Entertain you so you keep watching.

3. Teach you so you actually learn.

Unfortunately, that’s the order of priority in most content—for a simple reason:

So it’s no accident that “disappear and return unrecognizable” has spread so much. While it’s a harmful message, it’s entertaining as hell.

The idea of "disappearing" resonates with us for the same reason The Count of Monte Cristo is a classic.

It makes life sound like a novel.
It evokes emotions.
It attracts views.

The Protagonist Syndrome

Humans have an innate need to feel relevant.

That’s why these kinds of messages spread so easily—they make you feel like the protagonist.

Don’t get me wrong—you are the protagonist of your own life.
And It’s normal to want to feel important.

But here’s where the problem starts.

By saying disappear is the solution, they don’t just make you the protagonist. They make everyone else the antagonist.

Why do you need to disappear?
Because the people around you are the problem.
Because everyone is standing in the way of your goals.
Because everyone is rooting against you, so “improve in silence”.

This makes you believe people are watching, judging, talking about you.

Deep down, it feels good to hear. It taps into that innate desire. It keeps you hooked.

But here’s the catch: they make you feel like the protagonist in everyone else’s life—by turning everyone else into the villain in yours.

The Fear of Judgment

Let's be honest: disappearing is an easy solution.

I just said it's harmful—and I'll explain why soon.
But let’s not lie to ourselves. It’s also much easier.

When you disappear, you instantly remove an enormous hurdle: being judged by others.

If people don’t know, no one can say anything.
If no one can say anything, you can do whatever you want.

Listen, avoiding judgment is human nature. And it's fine.

I’m not here to tell you to "own it" or "face it head-on." I struggle with this too.

I'm writing this newsletter. I launched the blocos app. I'm building a Youtube channel. And I hid it from people for as long as I could.

Doing what you really want—and letting people see it—is painful. It’s supposed to be. But overcoming that fear will teach you so much.

We grow the most when we fear what we’re doing the most.

So here's my point: you don’t have to face everything at once. Go at your own pace. Just don’t blindly follow the easiest path.

Being judged is part of the process.
Hating being judged is part of the process.
Slowly learning to deal with it—that’s the real solution.
Disappearing isn’t.

The Validation Trap

Changing your life is about you.
Following your dreams is about you.
Building good habits is about you.
Improving your mind is about you.

The moment you decide to disappear, you make it about them.

If your goal is to shock people, your transformation is no longer about you.
That moment—that exact moment—is when impressing others becomes more important than doing it for yourself.

You fall into the validation trap.

Let me be clear, though: wanting validation is normal. We all want recognition.

But turning self-improvement into a performance is dangerous.

The only person you can control is yourself. You could grind for months, only to realize people don’t even find the outcome that impressive.

When that happens, you risk devaluing the real progress you made—just because it didn’t get the reaction you expected.

So don’t disappear just to return and shock others.
The only people you need to impress are your past self and your future self.

Why It's Harmful

So far, we’ve seen the problems with this advice:

• It antagonizes the people around you;

• It's a cheap solution to the fear of judgment;

• It makes the process about impressing others, not about you.

Now, let’s talk about how it can actually be harmful.

The Loneliness Epidemic

According to Our World in Data, we're not actually experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”.

But we do live in a time where isolation is easier than ever.

In countries like Australia, social isolation among young people has risen sharply since 2019.

In this context, spreading the idea of “disappearing” for the sake of self-improvement isn't just unhelpful—it's harmful.

Humans are social animals. We’re not built to be alone for long periods of time. And when you self-isolate to grind, be productive and make extreme life changes, you only increase your chances of burning out.

By cutting yourself off for months on end, you risk disconnecting from people entirely. From this lack of meaningful connections, loneliness thrives.

Loneliness vs Solitude

That's the difference between loneliness and solitude.

You can work on a project alone—because you choose to.
You can go for a walk alone—because you enjoy your own company.
You can spend a Sunday evening alone—because you know you’re the best partner for watching that artsy film.

And the moment you’re done?
You can immediately be around people again.

That is solitude.

Loneliness is the lack of that choice.

You do everything alone because you have no one to turn to.
Most importantly: it weighs on you.

I can talk from experience—I love doing things by myself. Every week I need some time to just be alone. And self-improvement, by nature, is a lonely path.

But it doesn’t require isolation.
It doesn’t require disappearing.
It doesn’t require risking disconnection.

What You Should Do Instead

Now we get to the good, optimistic part. There is a better alternative.

But let’s start with brutal honesty.

It's not other people that’s getting in the way of your goals.
You’re not that important—at most you’re a supporting role in other people's lives.

It might sound harsh, but it's actually liberating. Not being the protagonist removes the burden that comes with it.

That being said, here's the real issue:
The only one standing in your way is you. You can be your own worst enemy.

Which is exactly why letting people see your progress will actually help.

• It creates commitment (now that people know, you have to follow through).

• You get cheered on along the way (which boosts motivation).

• You indirectly help others (by showing both your successes and failures, people either get inspired or learn from you).

• You make it real (by externalizing your experiences, your mind internalizes that it’s happening—you’re moving forward, and that momentum will keep you going).

What You Shouldn't Do

Maybe you’re not convinced yet.
Maybe you’ve told people about your goals before, failed, and then assumed that telling people was the reason you failed.

It wasn’t.

It only backfired because you did it wrong.

1. Sharing goals instead of actions

This is the biggest trap.

You should prioritize sharing small actions and progress—but avoid broadcasting your goals.

Actions create respect, not big dreams.

Share that you hit the gym.
Share that you worked late on your project.
Share the book you read.
Share the course you completed.
Share how seriously you’re taking your diet.

But avoid sharing what you’re going to achieve.

2. Sharing unbelievable goals

If you’ll share your goals, be mindful when doing it.

I agree—big goals are helpful. They create motivation and commitment.

But keep them to yourself.

Big goals are for your mind.
When sharing with others, keep it small.

❌ Don’t say: “I’m going to be a millionaire next year.”
✅ Say: “I’m going to make my first $1,000 online.”

❌ Don’t say: “I’ll be in the best shape of my life this summer.”
✅ Say: “I’m going to lose 10 pounds.”

❌ Don’t say: “I’m changing careers.”
✅ Say: “I’m finishing a 6-month course.”

When you do this, two things happen:

1. People actually see it happening. It becomes easier to believe in you—and to root for you.

2. Failure becomes less likely. You’re not scaling a mountain. You’re just taking a few steps up.

So no—you don’t need to disappear.
You don’t need to go into hiding just to make progress.

You just need to be mindful of what you share and how you share it.
You’d be amazed at how it can actually help you—rather than get in your way.

If you take one thing from this, let it be this:

You’re not in a movie. Your progress doesn’t need to be dramatic.
And be extra careful with content that makes it seem that way.
It’s probably designed to hook you—not to help you get where you want to be.

Just keep moving forward—whether people notice or not. That’s all that matters.

Can't wait to see you again,

—Mateus